If a sponge holds water for too long, it will mold and smell like death.
This heat wave needs to dry me out so I can get practical again. There’s a dirty rotten stink in me from all the soaking I’ve been doing, and I’m not talking about Mormonism. I need habits without obsession. Oh let the sun beat down upon my face ‘til I lock in and develop new patterns in what little I can control.
What the state of California needs to be aware of is how easy it is to be delusional here. The temperate weather makes it seem like everything is always possible. Give me yellow-jacket hot and Calgary cold. Brash summer impulse, Winter’s sharp decisiveness. It is very hard to make everything possible always.
Regrettably there are dreamers.
It’s early October and feels like it’s too early to yearn. Though I was born with it, I can’t identify as a real yearner because I was also born to achieve. Achievement takes effort, competence, fortitude. Yearners only yearn. Don’t have a feast before the harvest.
I’m currently committed to BAMPFA for the next month and naturally began fantasizing about an uncomplicated life of union membership and carpentry and wearing henleys with no shame. And as soon as that started I got Covid for the third time; righteously, purposefully, laying me out for a week. I’m negative and at about 85 percent as of today which means most of the wool has cleared from the head allowing for this late night special. Work in the morning.
task at hand: inventory to ground yourself in the present. Make it nice. Five roommates. One active Craigslist post. Six bills due in the next two weeks. Three watches in rotation. Two toolkits emptied out in the Ranger. Dominic, Ryan, Rose, Franny, Cece, Gabby, Marissa, Kim. Jimmy, Alex, Sam, Lucas, Tom, Jarrett, Jason. Ari, Toni, Creighton, Kaylie, Nico, Sohla. New York. Yale. Portland. Los Angeles. Two 32 oz. bottles of Organic Tart Cherry Juice for $10. Six bottles total. One barn-owl screeching over San Pablo Park. 11:48pm. A few plans in pencil. I’m not sick now. Better than I was.
- Adam